Hello all,
After three weeks, the reality of Emily’s condition is starting to sink in. Many of you have asked why or how this happened. The doctor’s have not been able to give us an answer, and in all likelihood, probably never will. There is an answer that may be hard for some of you to comprehend. Before time began, God decided that Emily Rose would be deprived of oxygen while in the womb and would be born with brain damage. Now, I am not going to pretend to understand why God chose this. The sovereign God of the universe doesn’t exactly check with me before making decisions, but I have no doubt that this is exactly what God intended for Emily and for us as her parents.
Over the last 3 weeks I have wondered if I could really handle this. During my pregnancy, there were many times that I wondered if I could handle motherhood in general. Now that Emily is born and we know that there will be a long hard road ahead, I doubt myself even more. If we are all honest, there have been times in our lives when something came our way or happened to us that we thought we could not handle. This is no exception. But what I am reminded of time and time again is that I am not in this alone. Yes, I have Mike to help with parenting, and family and friends who are more than willing to help in any way that they can. But more than that, I have God by my side. Mike and I have seen some hard times in our lives and God has NEVER failed us – He is not about to start now. For some reason, God has chosen this for us. And He will equip us to handle it. He will give us the wisdom, strength and guidance that we need. We take great comfort in that.
This week, Mike and I decided to move forward with getting a g-tube for Emily. That is a feeding tube that will be inserted in her stomach. It is not the route that we wanted to go, but it will bring her home & at this point, that is what we want most. We want our little girl home with us! We can continue to work with her on bottle feedings and will do so. And if the Lord wills, she will eventually have her feeding tube removed. We would love that, but even if that never happens, we will continue to love Emily and love God for blessing us with her. We have really begun to face a lot of realities like that this week. Emily may never eat “normal” food or walk or do a lot of things that we all take for granted. Right now, we have no way to know what she will or will not do, but Mike and I are just trying to prepare for the hard road. We will love her no matter what she does or does not do. And more than that, we will continue to love God even if Emily doesn’t ever do the things we want her to do.
In her short life, Emily has been teaching us many things already. We have learned about sacrificial love – we are willing to do WHATEVER for our daughter – even if it is uncomfortable for us (and much of this has been). She has taught us to graciously receive from others as many have rallied around us in support (we cannot thank you enough for that!). She has also taught us about dependence. In today’s world, we learn to be strong and independent – we learn that we don’t need anyone. Well, Emily has taught us that we need to completely depend on God for EVERYTHING. Mike and I don’t know how to care for a special girl like Emily – we don’t even know where to begin. But that is exactly where God wants us – relying on Him for ALL of our needs.
So at this time when we are filled with doubts and fears about what the future holds, we continue to hang onto God with all our might. He will get us through whatever comes our way. He will give us wisdom when we need it, He will be our strength when we have none of our own. God is bigger than any problem we will face (Ephesians 3:20-21: Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.). He created Emily and knows exactly what she needs even if we don’t. He is Jehovah-jireh – the Great Provider! Please continue to pray for Emily and for us – there is INCREDIBLE power in prayer!
Love,
Dawn
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